Sing For Absolution
by Cristaline
Summary: Song fic! One shot! This happens at the beginning of 10 things but something's different. What if Joanna's skedar bite was in fact containing deadly poison? How would Jon deal with this?


Disclaimer : Perfect Dark belongs to Rareware and the song Sing For Absolution was produced by Muse, my favorite band.

Hi everyone! As I was listening to a song called Sing for Absolution, made by the marvellous band Muse, I had this idea of song fic. I must warn you that it is a lot more darker than what I usually do. So if you wanna feel depressed and/or cry, I think you're at the good place. I wasn't sure if I had to put this story PG-13 or R but I guess that it is not that important coz I don't think any of you would be stupid enough to denounce me to Don't worry there is no lemon here :) This story is a one shot and it's to the first person coz I think it's better like this coz there is less action and more pov (mainly Jonathan's pov)

Summary: This story happens at the beginning of 10 things but something's really different. What if Joanna's skedar bite contained deadly poison? How would Jonathan deal with this? Will he ever have the time to confess his feelings to Joanna before her death?

"No I'm sorry…There is nothing I can do…", answered desperately Sarah Taylor, the doctor of the Carrington Institute.

I looked at Velvet burst into tears and then at the uncounscious body of Joanna Dark, lying in a bed. As I was looking at the floor, I asked the question I feared to ask.

"How much…time is left before she…"

"I'm not sure…but she hasn't much time left before her. The deadly poison has already spread through her entire body…"

"No! I can't believe this! She's Perfect Dark! She's special! She will survive I'm sure of it!" exclaimed Velvet between two sobs.

"I know this is terrible for you to learn such news but there is nothing we can do. Elvis already told us that only a small number of Skedars have deadly poison in their claws and that Joanna was just…very unlucky…" answered Sarah with a saddened tone.

"THIS CAN'T BE! YOU'RE ALL LYING!" shouted Velvet who was now very near from insanity.

"Velvet…I…think you need fresh air…Staying here won't help you…" suggested Suzan

"But I want to see my sister!"

"Velvet…please…come with me. You'll feel better after…" replied Suzan.

I looked at Suzan. She was so…calm…She would usually shout as loud as Velvet in such situation. I guess that I don't know Suzan that much after all…I guess that she reacts like this because she's too depressed… Velvet finally accepted to go for a walk. Then my gaze reached for the dying beauty in front of me.

"Why is she plugged to all those needles if she's going to die anyway?" I asked to Sarah.

I never thought a dying person should stay in a hospital or an infirmary. I think they deserve to see the nature and its magnificence before dying…

"Well…all those things could help her to live a little longer…and even maybe…survive" answered Sarah with an afflicted tone.

Fool! Even her…a doctor as clever as Sarah Taylor had false hope! So pathetic…even Sarah can't accept the truth…Well…I'm laughing at her but am I really better? I don't know…the only thing I know is that Joanna is going to die…No matter how hard I wish to see her in good health again.

"Will she wake up before her death" I asked.

"I'm afraid not…Now…would you excuse me Jonathan? I think I should go see what Velvet and Suzan are doing…" answered Suzan with a stricken tone.

"Wait a minute…Aren't you supposed to check on Joanna until her death? You're supposed to be a doctor after all"

"You're the one who said it earlier…she's going to die anyway…", replied Sarah that wasn't hiding her tears anymore.

I didn't answered. I just looked at her leave the room. I guess I have been a bit too rude…Even if she was a doctor, it was the first time she had to see one of her patient die. I haven't seen Elvis since he arrived with Joanna from the Skedar planet and told us there wasn't any Maian cure for such poison. I guess he couldn't bear to see Joanna die slowly on her bed after all…just like all the others. I was the only one left with Joanna…The only one courageous enough to see Perfect Dark's death. I was sad to learn that I won't be able to see Joanna's wonderful blue eyes before her death. And why was I saying this anyway?! It's not like I cared about Joanna's eyes!

You fool! You're completely wrong! Since you knew she was kidnapped by the Skedars, you never stopped to worry about her! You were insomniac! And the only thing you were dreaming of when you were asleep was Joanna! Always! One night after the other, you were telling her the same sentence! You were telling her "Joanna, I'm sorry for all those arguments we had in the Area 51…I guess that I couldn't bear the fact that I'm madly in love with you …" , she smiled and after she kissed you and then you woke up! And after such fantasies of yours you DARE to pretend you don't give a damn about her!? You shouldn't think all those people are pathetic…YOU'RE the one who's pathetic!

Where was that voice coming from? Was I crazy? Or was it just a shout coming from my heart? I looked at Joanna again…No…this evil voice was right. I was completely wrong. I'm in love with Joanna…and there is nothing I can do about it…Then I realized…Joanna is dying…I will **never** be able to reveal her my true feelings…

"…What am I going to do?" I whispered to myself.

I knew that if I don't do anything about these nasty feelings who are slowly reaching my heart, I would finish like all the others. I would burst into tears and leave the room. I can't do this! I can't let Joanna die all alone! I know Velvet won't return before Joanna's death! Even if she pretended she wanted to see her sister, she doesn't want to see her die…it would be too painful to see…I looked again at Joanna. Even if her lips were now blueish and that her skin was as white as snow…she was wonderful to see. She was just like an ice queen…Then all those words begged for me to leave my mouth… and I began to sing a song I never heard before. The words are so easy to come out from my mouth, it's just like I heard this song every day since my childhood and that I was remembering the lyrics…

_Lips are turning blue _

_A kiss that can't renew_

_I only dream of you_

_My beautiful… _

The ice queen was sleeping peacefully in front of me. Even if her death was awaiting her…she didn't looked sad. I guess that when someone is dying…only the people around this person are truly suffering…not the dying one…Then my gaze left Perfect Dark and I slowly reached the window. I looked at the midnight sky and the words began to escape from my mouth again…

_Tiptoe to your room_

_A starlight in the gloom_

_I only dream of you_

_And you never knew…_

Then my voice became louder and I closed my eyes…as if the words were going to be easier to say like this…

_Sing for absolution_

_I will be singing_

_And falling from your grace… _

I looked again at the dying loveliness near me. I took her freezing hands in mine. Her hands were so soft…I just wish I could have touched them when they were warm. I felt my eyes become more watery but I closed them before the tears could flow…

_There's nowhere left to hide_

_In no one to confide_

_The truth burns deep inside_

_And will never die…_

I squeezed Joanna's hand in mine as the tears fell down my eyes and rolled on my cheeks. For the first time since I learned Joanna was going to die, I felt…pain…I just wish that the time could stop…so Joanna could live a little longer…and even…No…I can't say those irrationals hopes crossing my mind…Through my watery eyes, I looked at Joanna's angelic face again…Her lips hadn't any shade of pink in them anymore…They were truly blue…and her skin was now grey…Then I knew…that it was a matter of minutes before her heart stops to beat. I looked at the monitor…her pulse was very weak…

_Lips are turning blue_

_A kiss that can't renew_

_I only dream of you_

_My beautiful…_

I can't believe that I had been so heartless around a hour ago. Now I understand everyone's pain…I feel so bad…I think that I never felt so bad before…Even when Heleny betrayed me and tried to kill me…I didn't felt that bad…

_Sing for absolution_

_I will be singing_

_And falling from your grace_

Then I felt hysteria through all my body. Joanna's pulse was even weaker than before. No! She can't die! Damnit…now I'm just like Velvet…but I can't control it…my emotions are too powerful…I didn't wanted her to leave…already…More tears rolled down my cheeks. I began to shout the words I was singing…Joanna was now very far…but I wanted her to hear the last words I had to sing…

_Our wrongs_

_Remain unrectified_

_And our souls_

_Won't be exhumed… _

Her heart stopped just as I finished to let my soul scream its desperation. That's it! I can't handle it! I will never be able to eat, to sleep or to breath again if she doesn't know how I feel! Never! I will never be able to love again! I will never be able to LIVE again! There was only one solution left…I took one of Sarah's scalpel and went on Joanna's bed…just next to her…I couldn't shoot myself with my magnum, the others would hear and save me before I die…and then I would become a pathetic disabled or something like that…I cut my wrists and my neck…and put my arms around my beloved Joanna.

"Darling…if I can't tell you how I feel here…I'll tell you in the afterworld…" I whispered as I let my life escape my body.

I closed my eyes and waited for death…Luckily for me, she came quickly. I guess she was happy to make a couple after all…Goodbye fucking world. You won't hurt me anymore like you always loved to do…

The end 

:'( I know…this was really sad…What else can I say? Aw so sad!

Because it is a one shot (and I don't intend to do a sequel with such an end), I will make personal answers to review through email if you don't mind. Well if you don't want to you just have to tell me in your review (if you want to review) Well…really I can't hide that I'm proud! It took me about 2 hours to write this and I truly deciced to write this maybe 2 hours and half ago…That was really an impulsive writing. Well if you liked this song fic formula I can always write some others if you want (maybe that they could be less dramatic)

Also…I recommend to everyone (if you can…) to listen to this song. Maybe it's a bit slow but the way the singer sing this song is like so…intense (if you don't understand what I mean, listen until the end of it) I usually listen to more…heavier song but I really like this song even if it's really slow. Argh so sad this band isn't more popular…they're so good! And I'm going to see their show at November 4, YEAH!

Review please…if you review I'll give you all the tissues you need for free…


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